Last night Leeman was off in one of his shows and the puppy was actually not being a nuisance.  So, succumbing to my Sunday evening exhaustion, I popped in my faithful, well-watched DVD of Sense and Sensibility and enjoyed a relaxing evening.  Sense and Sensibility is probably my favorite book, and the movie is one of my ultimate comfort movies (the old one with Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet, though I do heartily recommend the 2008 mini-series as well).

If you're not familiar with the plot, suffice it to say it's about two impoverished sisters and their ups and downs in the no-holds-barred world of Regency Romance:

I could probably recite large portions of the novel by heart at this point, but something really struck me on this viewing of the movie: the main plot makes absolutely no sense in light of 21st-century attitudes towards love and romance.  One of the things that has caused Jane Austen's work to endure for 200 years is that the misunderstandings and the motivations of her characters are still so recognizable today (we totally get why Elizabeth Bennet would be inclined to think the worst of a young man who declared she was not pretty enough to dance with).  But that is really not the case for the story of Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferras.

Let me sum up: If you're familiar with Jane Austen at all, you know any character of marriageable age comes with a price tag.  Edward's places him in the ranks of champagne and caviar.  Elinor is more in the company of discount off-brand Doritoes.  Nevertheless, they fall deeply in love...with one catch.  Edward has been secretly engaged for the past four years to Lucy Steele, even lower down on the clearance bin than Elinor.  Much angst and sighing commences until Edward's family disinherits him for his secret engagement.  This prompts Lucy (dishonorable gold-digger that she is) to dump her now discount-Dorito of a suitor and allows our star-crossed lovers to marry.  The dramatic tension of the plot arises from the fact that Edward and Elinor are both profoundly honorable people.  Edward would never consider breaking faith to Lucy (even though Edward realized he didn't love her long before he met Elinor).  And it is precisely the "honor" Edward shows to Lucy that convinces Elinor he is worthy of her love.

That is where the story loses its resonance with the 21st century.  Most of our romantic comedies begin with at least one of the leads already in a more-or-less "unfulfilling" relationship.  While many other obstacles might keep the would-be lovers apart until the end of the movie, their pre-existing relationships are rarely more than a minor inconvenience.  (The classic for me here is Sleepless in Seattle where Meg Ryan's engagement to Bill Pullman is far down the list of things keeping her away from going out to meet Tom Hanks).

In our society, we are repeatedly told that we are meant to be with the person who most "fulfills" our needs ... that we need to be with the person who makes us happy ... the person who "completes" us:

The emphasis is on us.  Does our prospective partner meet our needs or fulfill our romantic fantasies?  If not, there is a none-too-subtle social affirmation that we are justified in dropping that person the moment "the one" comes along.

Now, I'm not saying that we should all go about our romantic relationships like people in a Jane Austen novel.  But it is interesting to get a 19th century reality check on some of our 21st century attitudes towards love.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in our own feelings in our relationships.  It's so much harder to approach the people we love with a sense of self-denial or sacrifice.  It's so much harder to put the other person's needs first and realize "hey, maybe my sense of personal self-fulfillment isn't the highest goal in the world."

It is, however, worth noting that this notion of self-sacrificial love (whether we're talking about romance, family, or simply friendships) is much more in keeping with the Christian faith we confess.  "Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).  A fairly fitting though around Valentine's Day, it seems.